As I started to write this post to give you some insight on how to maintain a little wellness (and sanity) during a period of tragedy, pain or trying time, I started to think maybe I wasn’t sure I saw that happening. I think I’ve had so much loss and heartache this year that looking back I wasn’t sure any amount of practices I put into place to maintain my own wellness seemed to have helped.

It’s been a long time since I’ve written or stayed in touch (even though I promised last time I posted that I would keep in touch throughout my ups as well as my downs). Little did I know that my entire year would be such a down leaving me no energy to be social.

Heck, I didn’t even have the energy to get the mail today.

 

This has been a year of tragedy, loss, heartache and so much more … More than I can probably even describe in words. In fact, It’s been a year of such pain that I am still currently living it and struggling to come out of it and I find myself questioning life in general.

Love, which often leads to loss, can be such a heartache that it is pretty much indescribable. It’s a pain that dwells deep in your hear, a hole that can’t be filled with any substance, a sadness you can’t shake no matter how well you take care of yourself. After all, the word heartache didn’t come around by happenstance – there literally is a kind of heartache that you can physically feel in your chest as a pain, or true ache, in your heart.

 

To give you a little background – my year started with me returning two months early from what was supposed to be a four month educational and healing trip to India to discover I had lost whom I thought was my twin flame. Although I won’t go into details about it, I have realized that the earthly disconnect of losing this person can be as painful as dealing with the death of someone you love.

 

Granted, I came home early because my Aunt, whom I was very close to, was dying of cancer and I wanted to be there for her as well as my mom who needed help and emotional support. I was blessed to be there when my Aunt passed and I was blessed to be able to nurture and care for her while she was dying, but knowing I was giving up my own happiness was in the back of my mind haunting me.

 

Shortly after I found out that I officially have no eggs and that I’ll never be able to have children of my own. This was another loss that has been difficult to accept and move past. I don’t even have any more words to describe this kind of loss except that it feels like a deep, empty hole that will never get filled.

 

Summer began with me dealing with a knee injury that landed me in the ER several times along with numerous hospital visits. This pretty much left me watching gorgeous days come and go whilst confined to my couch instead of outside enjoying being active like what I’m used to.

Labor Day weekend left me questioning life after my little brother was tragically killed in an incident that isn’t supposed to happen to “us”. Just over two months later I’m still sickened and in a daze that I can’t shake asking the preverbal questions of “why” and “how”.

All of two weeks after my brother was killed my cousin had a sudden onset of neurological problems to include muscle loss and nerve issues. Weeks went by and she couldn’t even get in to see a doctor. She deteriorated so rapidly she ended up hospitalized for a week and apparently that is what it took for the system to finally start doing diagnostic tests on her. Several days ago she was diagnosed with a rare form of ALS and just yesterday morning has decided to move to mother’s house to start hospice.

I cancelled several outdoor and canyoneering trips to be here to help take care of not only my cousin, but my mom, who has taken on the responsibility of taking care of everyone as she always does (I guess I got the same quality from her). The weather in Colorado is stunning and I’d love to be outside, but as a nurturer, I know I have to be there to help – it is just the right thing to do.

Sometimes a little voice creeps up in my head and tells me I should just do what I want to do, to make myself happy. That is what I see so many people doing after all.

 

 

As far as I’m concerned there will be more canyons for me to go do but there will never be another time to offer a close relative the love, help and support she needs to die in peace and dignity, or to help take some of the burden off of my mother who is still mourning the loss of her son, back at work, taking care of my cousin and all the logistics, and so on.

My point to all of this is this:

 

As a giver and nurturer, I often times forget to take care of myself, and even worse, I often don’t make decisions for ME or that will make me happy. At some point I realize I deserve to be happy too and this is something I very much struggle with.

I will probably forever regret waiting to be with the person I thought was my twin flame because waiting caused that loss, but that is a decision I will have to live with. The rest of my decisions about putting things aside to help others have allowed me to be the nurturer I am and I will never regret the blessings I have been able to offer others because I am that person.

 

Being there in times of need for others is what life is all about so I’d like to give you at least a few ideas how to do this with some harmony as I have been learning to find at least a little spec of balance these last two months myself.

 

Allow Yourself to Grieve

This sounds so common sense, but you wouldn’t believe how many times, especially after the death of my brother, I heard people say they didn’t want to cry or be seen crying. As a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), I cry a lot. I admit it and I’m not ashamed of it … anymore.

For some reason people seem to associate crying with weakness but I have learned that in my “weakness” I have strength.

I have allowed myself to sob in public because when the grief hits me, I can’t stop it, nor do I care to. I have allowed strangers to hand me tissues and offer comfort and even hugs, making me realize that there are still so many compassionate people in this world.

I learned just how healing crying is. A good cry empties your body and soul and leaves you so drained you have no option but to build yourself back up emotionally and physically because after all, when you are that broken, there is no other way to go than back up. Grief is cyclical so go with it. It’s okay. It will only make you stronger.

Allow Others to Help You

It’s okay to ask for and accept help.

Trust me, I’ve never been one to ask for help but this is something I had to change and accept after my brother was killed two months ago. It was so tragic for my entire family that I ended up stepping up and taking a lot of the logistics on. I knew I had to continue to at least eat healthy but it was difficult dealing with so much grief as well as the busyness that goes with this type of tragedy.

I was fortunate to have the help of my dearest friend who dropped everything and brought me healthy food (and coffee to keep me going after many sleepless nights). I so badly didn’t want to admit that I needed her assistance and to be honest, she didn’t even ask. She just did it. I couldn’t have been more thankful.

I also allowed myself to talk. Whether it was talking about my brother or the sadness of the loss of the person I believed was my twin flame, or the fear of my cousin’s ALS diagnosis, talking it out with someone close has been so profound and nurturing in my own healing process. It really is an easy way to begin to heal – to allow yourself just to vent your feelings. I am not even ashamed to admit that I sought a professional counselor to help through some of these recent losses. Sometimes it just helps to vent and work through your feelings out load.

Do a Little of What You Love

It’s easy to get so wrapped up in your grief and helping others that you forget to do something for yourself. Two weeks after my brother was killed I knew I needed to get out. I felt so drained and cooped up that I decided to take my doggies for a short hike.

I would have loved to spent an entire day outside, making my way up a big mountain or climbing some awesome rock, but I just didn’t have the time … or the energy for that matter, but I was happy to get a little sunshine and exercise and I knew in the midst of the tragedy I desperately needed it. It really did revive my soul and prove how important fitting in a little me time was.

If there is something you love to do and you find yourself unable to do it for a time, don’t fret over it. Just get in what you can when you can. You’ll thank yourself for it later.

Allow Yourself to Relax a Little

Take a hot bath.

Cozy up and spend even 20 minutes reading a good book.

Meditate or go to a yoga class.

Just a short time doing something to relax your body AND mind will keep you in tune with yourself. You need to have that time to hear your body talking to you so you know what it needs. If you run yourself to exhaustion, as we’ve all heard before, you can’t be there for anyone else.

Sleep is always healing as well, and there are certainly natural ways to get better sleep. I have found that if I take a hot, lavender essential oil bath in the evening, followed by a soothing Sleepytime or Chammomile tea and ten minutes in a good book at least sets me up for sleep. I also take herbal supplements like natural Melatonin or natural sleep aid and I find they help as well.

I can’t say I’m the best sleeper as I never seem to get fully restful sleep, but setting myself up for it seems to help take the edge off at least.

Just know, there will be times that will be difficult and you won’t be able to take as good of care of yourself as you’d like but no matter what, you have to at least keep in the back of your mind that you are deserving of your own self-care and once you recognize your own self-care has fallen by the wayside, take action to put a little effort into YOU.

I’d love to hear if you’ve gone through any tragedy and if you were able to maintain a little self-wellness during it. Do you have any other tips you’d like to share?

Add them to the comments below pretty please!

Stress is a killer, and sadly these days we seem to take on more and more stress in our ever-increasing busy lives. Stress can lead to inflammation throughout your body, triggering the onset of a number of less than dire desirable health conditions. It attacks your emotions and mind, which can lead to neurological disorders, emotional eating, detachment from friends and family, anxiety and depression and so much more.

 

Sadly, I’m a perfect example of this because I often tend to hold my stress inwardly instead of allowing myself to utilize the methods I’ll describe below to help alleviate some of the issues my stress has caused. I’ve learned more recently to apply some of this knowledge but it literally is something I have to focus on and make a point to do. If I don’t, my stress related conditions creep up on me and before I know it I’m feeling sick and fatigued again.

 

Unfortunately, stress happens to everyone. That means you need to know how to deal with stress effectively. Consider the following 5 practices the next time a stressful situation arises, and stress will have a minimal negative impact in your life.

 

1 – Meditate

 

Effective meditation has been proven for centuries to reduce stress and anxiety. There are plenty of free and paid meditation resources online to help you get started. Remember that you don’t have to be in a particular physical environment or area to meditate. Your time investment can be minimal as well. Close your eyes, calm your mind, focus on your breathing and in just a few minutes you can feel the stress slipping away.

 

Make a point to set a timer to go off every hour to allow yourself a few minutes of a meditation break if you have to.

2 – Change Your Environment

 

If it is possible to leave your stressful situation, do so. Take a walk. Get outside in the sun. Take off your shoes and walk through a grassy field. Read a few pages of a book or watch a funny cat video. Sometimes your environment is causing your stress, and even just 5 or 10 minutes away can help your situation.

 

Since I work from home, I find that my favorite break is a quick snuggle with my dogs. Animals really are therapy and I always come back to work focused and feeling re-energized.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 – Treat Your Body Right

 

Sometimes your stressful situation is your body’s way of telling you that you are unhealthy. This means eating right, less fast food and processed food items, and more fresh fruits, vegetables, seeds, nuts and berries. Get some exercise as well, at least 3 to 5 days a week. Make sure you’re getting plenty of rest, and drinking lots of water.

 

4 – Create a Stress-Free Zone at Home and Work

 

As mentioned above, your environment can sometimes dictate your mood. Create a nurturing place at home, and at work if possible. Keep it simple, with as few objects and possessions as possible. Add pictures and music that soothe you and make you happy. This is a place where you can mentally reset your emotions, minimizing the impact of stress.

 

I use essential oils A LOT at home and I even got my husband hooked on them. The first thing he does when he gets home is to fill the oil vaporizer so we have fresh, healthy invigorating scents around the house. Learn more about the use of essential oils in any of our related posts that can be found here.

 

5 – Look at Things Objectively

 

Your stress is not always as full-blown as you think you is. Human beings sometimes have a tendency to over-exaggerate a situation. Look at your circumstances as if you were a nonjudgmental outsider. This allows you to identify the real cause of stress, and then you can act accordingly.

 

I am guilty myself of sometimes being a worry wart, or worse, seeing things that really aren’t that important as hugely stressful events in my life. With as much tragedy and pain as I’ve endured this last year, I have actually gained a lot of perspective as to what entails real stress and what things in my life can be put into perspective and therefore not allow myself to get as worked up over it.

 

I’m curious – how do you take care of yourself during stressful times? Comment below and let’s share ideas!

You think thousands of thoughts each day. You talk to yourself more than anyone else. You are your most trusted advisor and confidant. Many of the conversations that you have with yourself you would never share with anyone else because to do so would expose the “real” you. The you that is filled with self-doubt, worries, sadness, guilt, hurts and disappointments.

But this is not the “real you” at all. This is the you that your ego and belief systems have constructed. These negative beliefs have been constructed by you, and accepted by you as truth.

The sad thing is that nothing can be further from the truth!

Where did these false ideas about you originate? They mostly came from others; parents, teachers, co-workers, and friends. They might have planted the seed by saying something like “she is fat” and you have cultivated those comments to the point that they have become your truth.

You are allowing your entire life to be controlled by some obscure comments made years ago.

Only you know who you truly are and what’s in your heart.

When you were born you entered this world without the burdens of your current negative belief system. You entered this world as a beautiful bundle of joy filled with unlimited potential and possibilities.

I’m here to tell you that you have not changed.

You are still and will always be a beautiful bundle of joy with unlimited potential and possibilities!

The only difference is what you give your attention to. Let me ask you a question – If you stopped all the negative talk that you currently have with yourself such as;

– I’m too fat

– Why would anyone want to love me

– I will never be thin

– I always fail

And the list can go on and on… How would you feel? Do you think that you would feel emotionally lighter? Do you think that you would feel happier? Do you think that you would feel more confident?

Now how do you think your life would change if you were to go one step further and modify your self-talk by only speaking positively about yourself? If you take some time and focus on what you like about yourself and focus on only that, your emotional state will become positive to the point that you will be able to accomplish anything.

You have never been anything other than that shining bundle of joy that entered the world years ago. It’s easy to uncover positive aspects of yourself by asking some questions:

– What am I good at?

– Who has benefited by me being in the world?

– Who am I and what is in my heart that only I know?

– What do I like about my body?

Your goal is to feel good now. If you only observe what you feel is positive about you, you will feel good, you will be happy. Decide right here and right now how you want to feel. Decide that you will always look for the good within you and appreciate that goodness.

So what does all of this have to do with losing weight?

Everything!!!

Your emotional state is the control valve that determines what you draw into your experience. How you talk to yourself creates your beliefs and programs your subconscious so you need to ask yourself; do you want your beliefs and subconscious programming to be based on false negative thinking or do you want your beliefs to be based on the truth, that you are and always have been a perfect being?

Allow the joy, playfulness and enthusiasm that you naturally had as a child begin to flow into your everyday experiences. Allow yourself to celebrate each and every success no matter how small. Love and appreciate yourself every opportunity you have. Do this every day and watch your weight begin to dissolve just as your old negative beliefs about yourself begin to dissolve.

Let me know in the comments below how you plan on speaking to yourself in a kind way TODAY!

When it comes to tough times and difficult situations you can look at things three ways: you can let the situation define you, let it destroy you or let it strengthen you. It’s your choice because mindset is half the battle. In other words, think it through and choose wisely.

Here are a few tips to get you started:

1) Pain is part of life and it helps you grow It’s okay to feel pain.

Pain is a feeling and yet somewhere along the line we’ve been taught to suppress our feelings and not show our truest selves, yet pain is meant to awaken us. The only way to learn how strong you are is when being strong is the only choice you have.

“Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.” ~ Arthur Golden

Own your scars and let yourself grown into the wisest and strongest version of yourself.

2) Practice gratitude because there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for.

Try writing out at least things in your day that you are grateful for and do this no matter what you are going through. You will be amazed at how this keeps your mind positive through the most difficult of situations.

Be that person who can smile and show appreciation for your life even though you have plenty to cry and complain about.

3) Be kind to yourself.

The best thing to do to survive difficult times is to take care of YOU.

 

Even if you can’t maintain your usual healthy habits, do something that takes your mind off of your troubles. If you can’t go to the gym, go for a short walk. If you can’t cook a nutritious meal, eat a healthy meal out or have a clean protein bar on hand. Read a book, meditate, confide in someone and talk about your situation.

Talking openly about our struggles is very healing. It doesn’t matter what you do, just keep yourself engaged in something more than wallowing in self-pity.

Remember, you can’t take care of others if you yourself are incapacitated.

4) Live in the present.

It’s easy to live life with the thought that someday everything is going to be perfect and it’s okay to want to strive for an idealized tomorrow.Keep in mind though that you have to deal with the world as it is today to get where you want to be tomorrow.

Appreciate where you are at this very moment and take a minute to be thankful for the breaths you take every day. No matter what you are going through, you are just one brief thought away from realizing the true blessing that is your life.

“I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.” ~ Agatha Christie

Don’t be the young person who thinks their happiness will come in the years ahead or the older person who believes their best moments are behind them. Live in the now and see the beauty of what is around you. Learn from your difficult times and use them to grow stronger.

5) Know that you are never alone. 

As I mentioned before, every single person has struggles. Someone is going through something very similar to what you are going through. We are all in this together so please don’t let yourself feel alone. I can assure you I feel the same emotions, have similar battles and care about many of the same things you do.

Listen up friend – you are NOT alone!

As Virginia Satir says, “Life is not the way it’s supposed to be, it’s the way it is.The way you cope is what makes the difference.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, now it’s your turn.

 

• What helps you get through hard times?
• What truths do you remind yourself of that motivate you to keep going and stay positive?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Help spread your wisdom and struggles and leave a comment below!

If you think this article could help even one person, please share it.

Let’s all do this together!

Feeling tired, worked over, constantly sore?  Or maybe you’re just feeling completely unmotivated and dreading your workouts?  I know the thought of taking workout rest days is terrifying to you but sometimes you have to listen to your body and take the break it needs to heal and repair.

I stress this because when I was younger, I did NOT listen to my body and I kept pushing it past the soreness, fatigue, pain and injuries.  Heck, I was young and invincible and was in such good shape that I never thought I’d end up overdoing it.  After all, we’re often led to believe that “more is better”.  Because of overuse, I have now had 4 shoulder surgeries, two level disc replacement surgery in my neck and my knees are too painful to run.  Had I listened to my body when I was younger there is a good chance I could have prevented some of the agony I’m enduring today.  Lesson learned, and now I want to pass my tough lesson on to you!

When it comes to your body, you have to pay attention and when you start noticing pains that won’t go away or you’re just tired all the time and not making any progress, you might think about “purposefully” taking some time off.  This could be anywhere from 1 to 7 days, but it has to be long enough for your body to be fully rested and the key is to listen to your body to determine how long this might be.  Some elite athletes even have a regularly scheduled week off for every 8 – 12 weeks they train.

I’ve heard it again and again in my coaching that people think they are going to lose muscle, strength, endurance, etc. if they take time off but after I convince them to take a week, they are always amazed when they come back even stronger.

How do you know if you need a break you ask?

Are you tired and fatigued?
Do you have insomnia?
Do you have soreness that just won’t go away?
Has your performance declined in your workouts and activities?
Have you made no progress in awhile?
Do you get sick more frequently?
Do you have general aches and pains in your joints and body?
Do you dread your workouts and despise the thought of exercising?

Of course, if you have any of these signs of over-training, you might want to visit your Dr. first to make sure nothing more serious is going on.  Once you’ve been cleared medically, I highly suggest taking a week off to give your body the time it needs to heal and rejuvenate.

Keep in mind, this doesn’t mean you have to be a couch potato for a week.  Feel free to go for walks, try a little yoga, continue your stretching, playing with your kids or dogs or even doing some leisure gardening, yard work or housework.  And of course, remember to keep your nutrition in check!

Try it, you won’t regret it.